


Red, White, and Winter.

by shannonsaid



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:29:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannonsaid/pseuds/shannonsaid
Summary: Steve quickly realizes Natasha knows more about the Winter Soldier than she's willing to admit.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 24





	Red, White, and Winter.

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after Captain America: Winter Soldier.  
> Since the MCU refused to give us BuckyNat, I rewrote the file scene.

"This file didn’t come from Kiev, did it?"

Natasha glanced up from the book she was reading, feigning surprise at finding Captain America standing in front of her. “What file?”

He tossed a folder down on the table in front of her. “That file, Natasha. It didn’t come from Kiev, did it?”

She opened the file slowly, flipping through its contents. Not that she needed to. She knew what was in the file. And she knew it was only a matter of time before he’d come looking for her because of it.

"Natasha," Steve’s voice was low and rough, as he slammed his hand down on the folder. "Enough lies."

Natasha hadn’t jumped when Steve’s hand slammed down on the table. She hadn’t even moved her eyes from the words she was looking over - the same words she had read a million times before.

She tugged the file out from under Steve’s hand, “no. The file didn’t come from Kiev.”

"It came from you."

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

Natasha had known he’d figure it out once he started reading the file. He’d know there was _too_ much information being freely given to have come from anyone other than her.

"How did you know Bucky?"

The pain was evident in his voice even through his anger.

"I never knew him as Bucky," she replied closing the folder. "I knew him as the Winter Soldier. The Asset. Comrade."

She knew him by another name too, but she refused to say it aloud. It was her secret, and she planned on keeping it for as long as she could.

"I didn’t even know he was American."

"You worked for HYDRA?" He interrupted her. The shock and disappoint flowed from his words and darkened his expression.

"No," she shook her head, "and neither did Bucky. At least not when I knew him."

She realized then that he hadn’t worked for anyone by choice, but by manipulation. And with that realization came the possibility that the only real thing Natasha had ever touched had also been nothing more than a manipulation.

"He had - he belonged - " and he had. There was no other term for it. "To the Soviets. Yes, Zola started his experiments on him under the direction of HYDRA, but like the country he came from, he remained _neutral_. In other words, he worked for whoever paid him the most. In Zola’s case, it was the Soviets.”

Rogers shook his head, “that’s all in the file. What isn’t, is how _you_ knew him.”

Natasha never talked about her time before SHIELD. She always left it open for interpretation, assumption. She didn’t care if people saw her as a thing of nightmares or a victim of circumstance. It never mattered to her. As long as she was never asked to confess her darkest sin, she didn’t care what anyone thought.

She looked up into the blue eyes of Captain America, and knew the time for confession had arrived.

"He taught me everything I know."

And she meant **everything**. Every language. Every seduction. Every manipulation. Every deadly skill she had, he had taught her and helped her perfect. Even the deadliest one of all.

"He was the Red Room’s perfect soldier. He was their version of Captain America - of you."

"Me?" His disbelief was etched across his face.

She nodded, “but the two of you couldn’t be more different. Where you are kind, he is ruthless. Where you have honor, he has only the promise of death. I’m sure the Soviets thought it would be poetic if they turned Captain America’s best friend into his worst enemy.”

"Natasha," his voice shook, making it clear that he didn’t want to hear anymore about what they had done to Bucky, and Natasha knew what question would come next. "Why all the secrecy, if all he did was train you?"

"Because that’s not where our story ends. I knew him, Steve, or at least I thought I did. I knew him as the Winter Soldier, yes, but I also knew him as James." Her voice was softer than a whisper as she said his name. "He taught me how to murder and manipulate, but he also taught me gentleness and -" she paused, swallowing the lump in her throat, "and love."

And he had. Natasha had never known love until she had met James. She had never known trust or understanding or what it felt to be complete until their stolen moments and secret touches.

She had also never known hurt or betrayal or loss until he left.

"He’s also the one who taught me that love was for children and that it only belonged in fairy tales."

Steve had remained completely quiet while Natasha explained why she had kept her and Bucky’s relationship a secret, but his eyebrow raised at her last statement. The look on his face made it clear, he refused to believe _his_ Bucky could make anyone feel that way.

Natasha laughed bitterly in response. “Don’t you see, Rogers? Making me fall in love with him made me vulnerable and weak. Making me believe he felt the same way as I did was the ultimate manipulation, because when he left - and he did leave - I lost every part of me that felt anything. I became hollow. I became the **perfect soldier**.”

She stood up from the table, “I meant what I said when I gave you this file, Steve,” she said sliding the folder across the table to him. “Bucky is not the same person you knew. He’s been poked and prodded and erased and remade more times than we can even fathom. There’s no easy way to come back from that - to deal with it - to accept that you were once someone completely different from who they made you into.” She leaned toward him, her lips a breath away from his ear, “trust me. I know.”

She let her fingers touch his - for just a moment - before leaving him alone with his thoughts.


End file.
